bathroom tells all


I’ve been cleaning different houses for a while, and I am digging it, weird, I know. I think so much of the stigma is about shit stains. Yep, that toilet bowl can be the epitome of what you want to unsee. The funny thing is that these high-class people seem to either clean the bowls, or they never shit. I haven’t seen a smear yet. The honeymoon will end, but for now, no complaints from me. Clearly, none of these women are married to men like my ex.

I did go to one house where a young-ish couple, in their 30’s, were heading out the door with their three-year-old princess. What is it about little girls and being princesses? I wasn’t like that, but it is a scourge in the old and new world. Tiaras and pink tutus abound, yarf. They were excited because this was their first time to actually pay someone to clean their house instead of doing it (or not doing it, as in their case) themselves. And holy crap, what an ungodly mess. 

They had a dog and a cat. Both long-haired, black, and shedding like there was no tomorrow. The downstairs bathroom was the one they showered in. They also had one of those add on bidets, which absolutely SUCK to clean as they have so many seams and hard to reach places. Again, no shit on the bowl, thank you, but I’m pretty sure they picked up the cat and shook the fur out of it over the toilet, sink, shower stall, and around all the walls. My God, how could there be so much fucking hair!? These ceramic fixtures are often damp, making hair even more fun to remove. What the actual fuck?!?
excerpt chapter 2: hairy johns

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