cheese as it was meant to be


A few weeks ago, at a clean, I had cleaning and ironing to do while they were gone for a few weeks. The lovely lady of the house mentioned there was a full carton of milk (it was organic!! Way out of my price range!) that was going to go bad before they got back, and I was welcome to it. Since I was admiring the dairy and I was too hungry to wait until I could get anything somewhere else, I looked in the cheese drawer. Sigh. These people had nice cheese. Not the cheap, bland crap most of us buy that only tastes decent when it’s melted. They had Collier’s Welsh Cheddar. Goddamn. Now that is cheddar as it was meant to be! I savoured two slices and made a mental note to find that and get it for myself! Oh, hell yeah! 

So there I was walking to the deli cheese area of the large and pricey supermarket that she shops at. As I am getting to the cheddar section, this nice looking (not over the top hawt but relatively inviting) man looks over at me and smiles an easy smile. Like he knew me. For a long time. So I just started talking to him. 

I don’t remember exactly what the exchange was, but he found the Collier’s for me. I gawked at the price and said that I better buy some wine to go with it. We were both looking at each other’s smiling faces, and then I thought to myself, ‘I better get the hell out of here.’ As I walked away, my ass got hot too. I am alive after all!

I was beaming inside. There is hope. A guy who was what I am looking for exists: mid 40’s to early 50’s, taller than me, with a great smile and friendly! I saw him in the parking lot, and we spoke a bit more, smiling. But neither of us had the guts to broach the next step. Then I drove the wrong way out of the parking lot and passed him while he was waiting to go left. I saw him notice me and really look. Yes. Yes! Now I just need to take the next step next time. Come find me, Cheddar Lover.

excerpt chapter 5: the cheddar lover & the near-cretan

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